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Night Wish (short story, Mick/Nomi, implied BL)
Sep. 30th, 2009 | 05:12 pm
Whoa, I'm postingO.o Now that, due to circumstances, my MSN RPs have come to a hopefully temporary stop, I managed to write something again (and it's a short story too, I honestly thought I couldn't do thatO.o) Written at 1.30 in the morning, so yeah:P Mick belongs to me, Nomi is KiraWolf's.
( story here )
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Still here, just quiet
Apr. 25th, 2009 | 04:59 pm
Just wanted to post something since I've been so quiet on here for so long. I'm still here though, busy with work *kicks 11.30-20.00 shifts she can't get out of because there's noone else to work them* At least I don't have to fret about money that much anymore, with 20-30 hours of work a week^^. I'm quite absorbed in an RP at the moment, have been for a while and this one I actually really feel at home in. Not that others weren't fun, they were, but this is the first one I'm in that has the whole chat thing around it going on (yes, the SA RPs had that too, but back then there were...other things going on), which makes it twice as good. And it got me some new friends^^. I'm a bit stuck with Belles story though, since she's the char I chose for the RP and she's keeping me busy enough as it is^^.
As for doll stuff: I received Sade's body (DT15 girl body) a few weeks ago and in a couple of days I'll be paying for her head (AiL Chloe). And then there's a tiny little girl I've fallen in love with, an msDoll elf Pan, that's now patiently waiting at Rinkya HQ until I get her an outfit and have her shipped home<3 Still looking for Belles body, though she's going to have to borrow Momo's again when I take her to the RP meet (assuming that one is still on>.<).
Aw well, nothing else to report I guess, but at least I got something to do for the past 15 minutes (internet is boring with everyone being at EFF:P)
As for doll stuff: I received Sade's body (DT15 girl body) a few weeks ago and in a couple of days I'll be paying for her head (AiL Chloe). And then there's a tiny little girl I've fallen in love with, an msDoll elf Pan, that's now patiently waiting at Rinkya HQ until I get her an outfit and have her shipped home<3 Still looking for Belles body, though she's going to have to borrow Momo's again when I take her to the RP meet (assuming that one is still on>.<).
Aw well, nothing else to report I guess, but at least I got something to do for the past 15 minutes (internet is boring with everyone being at EFF:P)
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Screaming my lungs out and nobody listens
Mar. 17th, 2009 | 01:01 pm
mood: 
blah
...or so it feels.
I've been wondering a lot lately, who am I writing for? Do I write for myself? Just for me? To record my characters' past and essence in case something happens to me? Because it's fun to write, to flesh out characters, storylines and scenery, to play with language to get the best result possible? Or is it to show off, to impress? To make a point, to vent? To show people how it's done? Am I really that shallow and arrogant? IS it shallow and arrogant? Maybe I write to get attention? To hear people say I'm good at something, to have SOMETHING to keep up with all those super talented people out there? Am I such an attention whore? Is it such a bad thing to seek the approval of others? If everyone wrote, took pictures, drew and expressed themselves in whatever creative way possible, solely for themselves, they wouldn't put their stories up on here, they wouldn't spam forums with pics, they wouldn't even need forums, right?
Of course, I write LARGELY for myself, but if I wrote ONLY for myself, I'd just grab a piece of paper and would write my journals there. I'd just print my stories out and stick'em in my cupboard to gather dust. But I don't. I put my stuff online because I'm looking for support, I'm looking for appreciation, praise even. And because it's just more fun to share. I'm not sure if that's attention whoring or if it's just natural. The point is, sometimes I wonder if I should be posting my writings online at all. I just posted an entire story I worked very hard on, on here and on two forums. I got one reply, along the lines of "OMG I luv yuri!!! Do you have pics of them?? Nice story BTW." Which was NOT the point of the story, but that's besides the point. I can see that at least 25 people have visited that post. And as always, I don't know what to think of that. Should I be proud that that many people read my story? Yes, of course. But it does make me wonder, is it that bad, that none of those 25 has anything to say about it, not even criticism? How many of those 25 clicked the thread, saw the warning and turned around? Maybe I do depend on others too much for the enjoyment of my own work, but working so hard on something and then not "getting" anything for it, does sting a bit. If you perform for an audience, you want a bit of applause as well, right?
Then again, there's only, oh, 7 people here that have me on their F-list, at least two of which have too much stuff of their own to deal with to bother with anyone elses rantings and one doesn't read Dutch. That's my own decision, to write in Dutch, my English vocabulary just isn't big enough yet to write the way I do in Dutch (though I'm practicing). Of course that means I'm limiting myself a lot, aggavating though it may be, because ficsites are usually in English, DA is in English, LJ is largely in English. But somehow it feels "cheap", for lack of a better word, to just start writing in English for more replies (Yes, I know, this here post is in English too, I just rant better in English:P), just like it feels wrong to just start drawing in photoshop and abandoning pencil&paper work just because the general population on DA tends to ignore handdrawn art (not a completely accurate analogy, I know, but meh). I don't have, say, a chat room to go to and spam my stuff and recieve replies immediately, I don't have a load of online (forum) friends I see offline or on MSN on a weekly or even daily basis (or offline friends to regularly see online either:P), I just don't have a network I guess. But just randomly going around and adding people to my F-list and MSN doesn't feel like a solution either. It could be, I'm just too chicken and socially inept to do it, I suppose.
Well, that's what I needed to get out, just some frustration. And for the love of God or whatever other entity you believe in, don't anybody go replying to my stuff just because you feel sorry for me:/ I might want more comments, but only because the author wants to say something, not because they feel they have to...
Mm, seems I'm stuck in a rut again, as usual=_=.
I've been wondering a lot lately, who am I writing for? Do I write for myself? Just for me? To record my characters' past and essence in case something happens to me? Because it's fun to write, to flesh out characters, storylines and scenery, to play with language to get the best result possible? Or is it to show off, to impress? To make a point, to vent? To show people how it's done? Am I really that shallow and arrogant? IS it shallow and arrogant? Maybe I write to get attention? To hear people say I'm good at something, to have SOMETHING to keep up with all those super talented people out there? Am I such an attention whore? Is it such a bad thing to seek the approval of others? If everyone wrote, took pictures, drew and expressed themselves in whatever creative way possible, solely for themselves, they wouldn't put their stories up on here, they wouldn't spam forums with pics, they wouldn't even need forums, right?
Of course, I write LARGELY for myself, but if I wrote ONLY for myself, I'd just grab a piece of paper and would write my journals there. I'd just print my stories out and stick'em in my cupboard to gather dust. But I don't. I put my stuff online because I'm looking for support, I'm looking for appreciation, praise even. And because it's just more fun to share. I'm not sure if that's attention whoring or if it's just natural. The point is, sometimes I wonder if I should be posting my writings online at all. I just posted an entire story I worked very hard on, on here and on two forums. I got one reply, along the lines of "OMG I luv yuri!!! Do you have pics of them?? Nice story BTW." Which was NOT the point of the story, but that's besides the point. I can see that at least 25 people have visited that post. And as always, I don't know what to think of that. Should I be proud that that many people read my story? Yes, of course. But it does make me wonder, is it that bad, that none of those 25 has anything to say about it, not even criticism? How many of those 25 clicked the thread, saw the warning and turned around? Maybe I do depend on others too much for the enjoyment of my own work, but working so hard on something and then not "getting" anything for it, does sting a bit. If you perform for an audience, you want a bit of applause as well, right?
Then again, there's only, oh, 7 people here that have me on their F-list, at least two of which have too much stuff of their own to deal with to bother with anyone elses rantings and one doesn't read Dutch. That's my own decision, to write in Dutch, my English vocabulary just isn't big enough yet to write the way I do in Dutch (though I'm practicing). Of course that means I'm limiting myself a lot, aggavating though it may be, because ficsites are usually in English, DA is in English, LJ is largely in English. But somehow it feels "cheap", for lack of a better word, to just start writing in English for more replies (Yes, I know, this here post is in English too, I just rant better in English:P), just like it feels wrong to just start drawing in photoshop and abandoning pencil&paper work just because the general population on DA tends to ignore handdrawn art (not a completely accurate analogy, I know, but meh). I don't have, say, a chat room to go to and spam my stuff and recieve replies immediately, I don't have a load of online (forum) friends I see offline or on MSN on a weekly or even daily basis (or offline friends to regularly see online either:P), I just don't have a network I guess. But just randomly going around and adding people to my F-list and MSN doesn't feel like a solution either. It could be, I'm just too chicken and socially inept to do it, I suppose.
Well, that's what I needed to get out, just some frustration. And for the love of God or whatever other entity you believe in, don't anybody go replying to my stuff just because you feel sorry for me:/ I might want more comments, but only because the author wants to say something, not because they feel they have to...
Mm, seems I'm stuck in a rut again, as usual=_=.
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Fated Meeting deel 3
Mar. 15th, 2009 | 10:12 pm
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Fated Meeting deel 2
Mar. 15th, 2009 | 10:10 pm
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Fated Meeting deel 1
Mar. 15th, 2009 | 10:04 pm
Verhaal over de eerste ontmoeting van Reina en Sade. Waarschuwing voor grof taalgebruik, wat geweld en in het laatste deel wat girlxgirl actie.
( Fated Meeting deel 1 )
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Meme
Feb. 16th, 2009 | 11:28 pm
Just because I'm frustrated out of my skull with things at the moment and I need something to do.
1. How many dolls do you have?
11 full dolls, technically 3 floating heads (but one of them is forever on sale)
2. What are their names?
1 Resa
2. Seki
3. Momo
4. Miri
5.Cal
6. Rae
7. Reina
8. Aura
9. Ai
10. Aki
11. Hart
12. Belle
13. Sylvie
3. What are their molds?
1. Luts tanning El
2. Luts tanning Shiwoo
3. Volks Cyndy 2nd
4. Volks SD10 Nana on SD13 body
5. Luts tanning DES
6. Luts tanning DES
7. Unoss Aika
8. Volks MSD F22 one-off
9. Volks MSD F18
10. Volks MSD F20
11. Immortality of Soul Mezz head
12. Volks Rose head
13. Leeke Honey
4. How long have you been in the BJD hobby?
First learned of them around may 2006, when I started sculpting my own doll, bought my first one one and a half years ago
5. Do you RP? If so, who is/was your favorite person to RP with?
Yes. And I have no freaking idea at the moment, something feels really messed-up RP-wise
6. Who is/was your favorite character to RP with?
Belle, her character is clearest at the moment, but I also love playing innocent little Ai, and Hart is fun too. I love RPing them all.
7. How many dolls have you ever sold?
6, 5 Pocket Fairies, one Luts Cutie Delf Mary
8. Out of all of those, who do you miss the most?
None, though looking at pics sometimes makes me wish I hadn't sold my Minimays
9. What is your favorite thing in this hobby?
Searching for the perfect outfits, wigs and eyes, hunting for dolls on Yahoo, bringing characters to life
10. Who is the first BJD that ever entered your house/that you ever saw in real life?
Resa was my first, Marcia's dolls Nariko and Takahiro were the first dolls I ever saw IRL
11. Who is the first BJD you ever fell in love with?
Pocket Fairy Yoko. Too bad she turned out too small for me to bond with.
12. What is the most you've spent on a doll (the actual doll itself)?
860 dollars for Ai (auction with expensive outfit thrown in)
13. What is your favorite photo shoot/photo you ever took of any of your dolls?
I'm not sure, I'm generally not too happy with my own photography. I was proud of the shoot with Seki in the sun though, and the Golden Child shoot with Sylvie (guess I like photographing dolls in the sun)
14. What is your funniest memory with any of your dolls?
Funniest or most fun? Most fun was I think the Artis meet, funniest...Reina falling over and spontaneously kissing Momo on the lips?
15. What is your saddest memory with any of your dolls?
The whole mess on SA and its aftermath.
16. Have you ever had a dream about your doll? If so, what was it about?
Surprisingly little actually>.>
17. Which BJD out of yours would you never sell in a million years?
All of them! I did realise not too long ago that if I had to escape the house and I could only take one doll with me, it would still be Resa, no question, however much it would hurt to leave the others behind.
18. Name one thing that makes you irked in the BJD hobby.
Only one? The fact that the whole SA mess still has major effects on my feelings about myself, the Dutch BJD community, RPing and a lot more and no matter what I try, it keeps coming back. People still get hurt by things I say, even if I try to say them in the nicest way possible. I still get hurt or angry by things I shouldn't even be caring about. I'm even afraid to go to cons and fairs because I might run into them and I have no idea what would happen then (yes, I'm working on not caring anymore). And the fact that those that could help me solve this, by talking to me and in the ultimate case, apologizing for the way they've treated me (I've apologized time and time again for my side, I'm done with that, thanks) pretend I don't exist anymore.
19. Would you ever consider "leaving" the hobby?
Hobby, no. Forums maybe, if the abovementioned mess starts happening on other forums too.
20. Who is the newest character you've thought up?
Sade.
1. How many dolls do you have?
11 full dolls, technically 3 floating heads (but one of them is forever on sale)
2. What are their names?
1 Resa
2. Seki
3. Momo
4. Miri
5.Cal
6. Rae
7. Reina
8. Aura
9. Ai
10. Aki
11. Hart
12. Belle
13. Sylvie
3. What are their molds?
1. Luts tanning El
2. Luts tanning Shiwoo
3. Volks Cyndy 2nd
4. Volks SD10 Nana on SD13 body
5. Luts tanning DES
6. Luts tanning DES
7. Unoss Aika
8. Volks MSD F22 one-off
9. Volks MSD F18
10. Volks MSD F20
11. Immortality of Soul Mezz head
12. Volks Rose head
13. Leeke Honey
4. How long have you been in the BJD hobby?
First learned of them around may 2006, when I started sculpting my own doll, bought my first one one and a half years ago
5. Do you RP? If so, who is/was your favorite person to RP with?
Yes. And I have no freaking idea at the moment, something feels really messed-up RP-wise
6. Who is/was your favorite character to RP with?
Belle, her character is clearest at the moment, but I also love playing innocent little Ai, and Hart is fun too. I love RPing them all.
7. How many dolls have you ever sold?
6, 5 Pocket Fairies, one Luts Cutie Delf Mary
8. Out of all of those, who do you miss the most?
None, though looking at pics sometimes makes me wish I hadn't sold my Minimays
9. What is your favorite thing in this hobby?
Searching for the perfect outfits, wigs and eyes, hunting for dolls on Yahoo, bringing characters to life
10. Who is the first BJD that ever entered your house/that you ever saw in real life?
Resa was my first, Marcia's dolls Nariko and Takahiro were the first dolls I ever saw IRL
11. Who is the first BJD you ever fell in love with?
Pocket Fairy Yoko. Too bad she turned out too small for me to bond with.
12. What is the most you've spent on a doll (the actual doll itself)?
860 dollars for Ai (auction with expensive outfit thrown in)
13. What is your favorite photo shoot/photo you ever took of any of your dolls?
I'm not sure, I'm generally not too happy with my own photography. I was proud of the shoot with Seki in the sun though, and the Golden Child shoot with Sylvie (guess I like photographing dolls in the sun)
14. What is your funniest memory with any of your dolls?
Funniest or most fun? Most fun was I think the Artis meet, funniest...Reina falling over and spontaneously kissing Momo on the lips?
15. What is your saddest memory with any of your dolls?
The whole mess on SA and its aftermath.
16. Have you ever had a dream about your doll? If so, what was it about?
Surprisingly little actually>.>
17. Which BJD out of yours would you never sell in a million years?
All of them! I did realise not too long ago that if I had to escape the house and I could only take one doll with me, it would still be Resa, no question, however much it would hurt to leave the others behind.
18. Name one thing that makes you irked in the BJD hobby.
Only one? The fact that the whole SA mess still has major effects on my feelings about myself, the Dutch BJD community, RPing and a lot more and no matter what I try, it keeps coming back. People still get hurt by things I say, even if I try to say them in the nicest way possible. I still get hurt or angry by things I shouldn't even be caring about. I'm even afraid to go to cons and fairs because I might run into them and I have no idea what would happen then (yes, I'm working on not caring anymore). And the fact that those that could help me solve this, by talking to me and in the ultimate case, apologizing for the way they've treated me (I've apologized time and time again for my side, I'm done with that, thanks) pretend I don't exist anymore.
19. Would you ever consider "leaving" the hobby?
Hobby, no. Forums maybe, if the abovementioned mess starts happening on other forums too.
20. Who is the newest character you've thought up?
Sade.
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Belle's Story Hoofdstuk 4
Feb. 1st, 2009 | 06:04 pm
Beetje vertraging, maar goed. Nu Reina onderweg is naar huis kwamen zij en Sade even al mijn aandacht opeisen, dus Belle en haar verhaal werden een beetje naar de achtergrond gedrukt (maar dankzij een bepaalde RP kreeg ik weer volop inspiratie^^). Dus bij deze (een extra lange) hoofdstuk 4.
( Facing The Truth Hurts... )
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Extra extra! Belle's Story Hoofdstuk 3!
Jan. 18th, 2009 | 08:43 pm
Zo, ik heb vandaag bijna een heel hoofdstuk geschreven (bijna 2 volle pagina's O.o), dus vind ik dat ik genoeg ruimte heb om H3 alvast te posten^^.
( Vampire's first bite... )
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Belle's Story hoofdstuk 2
Jan. 17th, 2009 | 05:50 pm
En hoofdstuk 2. Typisch dat LJ vanzelf witregels tussen de alinea's gooit, maar zo wordt het wel goed leesbaar^^.
( Enter The Vampire! )
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Belle's Story H1
Jan. 12th, 2009 | 04:27 pm
mood: accomplished
Hierbij dan hoofdstuk 1 van Belle's verhaal. Waarschuwing: noodzakelijk (seksueel) geweld (niet expliciet).
( Read more... )
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Blah
Jan. 4th, 2009 | 07:18 pm
mood: 
depressed
Rotdag. Om duizend-en-een dingen. Geen geld. Spullen moeten verkopen die ik niet kwijt wil, misschien zelfs dolls. Eenzaamheid. Altijd maar weer toekijken hoe anderen lol hebben met hun vrienden en ik heb niemand om iets mee te doen of gewoon mee te praten. Dus dan moet ik online weer mensen lastig vallen met mijn geklaag, ik moet toch ergens naartoe. En dan kom ik hier en dan blijkt ook nog dat iemand me van haar friendslist heeft gehaald. Ik ken haar verder niet echt, zij kent mij verder niet echt, dus ik heb toch geen klap te maken met wat er verder persoonlijk met haar gebeurt, snap ik best. Maar het voelt niet prettig. Maar ik ga er dan maar vanuit dat het verhaal dat ik daar aan het lezen was niet verdergaat, dus heb ik daar ook niks meer te zoeken. Ik ga zo maar even een potje janken, voor de tweede keer vanavond.
En ik ben even al mijn zin in schrijven kwijt. Ik zal hoofdstuk een binnenkort wel posten, maar nu staat mijn hoofd er even absoluut niet naar. Ik wou dat ik een goeie baan voor mijn verjaardag kreeg, volgende week donderdag.
En ik ben even al mijn zin in schrijven kwijt. Ik zal hoofdstuk een binnenkort wel posten, maar nu staat mijn hoofd er even absoluut niet naar. Ik wou dat ik een goeie baan voor mijn verjaardag kreeg, volgende week donderdag.
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Writing sexy vampire stuff is fuuuuun!!!
Dec. 31st, 2008 | 05:23 pm
mood: 
bouncy
....and I ain't talking about outright smut:P
Ik schrijf hier veel te weinig, maar bij deze even een announcement: Belles Verhaal (excuse the cr*p title, ik sta open voor suggesties maar dat schiet denk ik ook niet op aangezien niemand weet waar het verhaal over gaat:P) begint volgende week! (als ik dan eindelijk zo tevreden ben dat ik het aandurf om het te posten>.>).
En voor nu wens ik iedereen een heel goed, gelukkig, gezond en voorspoedig 2009!!
PS Kan iemand me even uitleggen hoe je een LJ Cut doet?
Ik schrijf hier veel te weinig, maar bij deze even een announcement: Belles Verhaal (excuse the cr*p title, ik sta open voor suggesties maar dat schiet denk ik ook niet op aangezien niemand weet waar het verhaal over gaat:P) begint volgende week! (als ik dan eindelijk zo tevreden ben dat ik het aandurf om het te posten>.>).
En voor nu wens ik iedereen een heel goed, gelukkig, gezond en voorspoedig 2009!!
PS Kan iemand me even uitleggen hoe je een LJ Cut doet?
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Eerste post
Sep. 27th, 2008 | 05:31 pm
mood: artistic
Zo, ook maar een LJ aangemaakt. Ik ga deze vooral gebruiken om mijn schrijfsels/verhalen over mijn (BJD) karakters te posten, vandaar dat het in het Nederlands is en blijft. Ik schrijf vrij langzaam, dus als ik iets post kan het even duren voor er een vervolg komt. Hopelijk kan ik interessant genoeg schrijven om dat wachten voor jullie de moeite waard te maken!